Count My Blessings

It's been a long time since I've had such an emotional day. It started with sending my baby to her first day of "full day" school. She was so excited and it went well...except for the fact that they lost her lunch. I believe it bothers me more than it did her, as I was hoping her day would go flawless. Minor detail. I also find out today that my evening babysitter broke her back a couple days ago. OMG. At least she's ok and can walk...but is out of commission for 6 months. She can count her blessings. So the hard part was my patient today...7 years older than me, two children the same age (approximately) as our older two. She's currently dying of breast cancer after fighting for 4 years. She spoke so matter-of-fact about her "6 weeks or so" before she dies. Her goal was to see her daughter start kindergarten (tomorrow). Today she almost gave up on us...feeling really ill she assumed it was her liver disease...until labs showed her liver was doing better this week. She thought she had her decision made...to quit chemo...finally, then this happened. I was not surprised when she told me she was almost disappointed b/c she was ready to be "done". It was so hard to talk to her with tears on the verge of flying, but being the amazing person she is, gave me the strength to have the conversation. It appears the chemo, which was working, was making her sick. So, does she take a couple days added on to her life with sickness or take quality of life and a few weeks to live? At the end of the conversation (by now the Dr. had joined us), she decided she had to be treated today. For my own greedy reasons, I'm so glad that she chose to be treated. I didn't want her to "quit on my shift". I often leave work dealing with the good and the bad, but today it was different. I truly wanted to go home and just hug my kids and tell them I'd never leave them...